Good morning from Toledo! :) Yesterday was a much better day for me as far as my health and how I was feeling. I slept some the night before, not much. Maybe an hour or two all together, but that is still improvement from the crazy night before! I was thankful to get some hours of sleep. Yesterday, my nurse came in and monitored the baby and checked my vitals, and then proceeded to ask me what my "goals" were for today, as she headed to the dry erase board. I told her my goal was to not bleed, get rid of my horrible headache, and to SHOWER! Those may not seem like big things, but to me, those things would make me have a better day. Well, I'm happy to say I met all of those goals for yesterday, which made me one happy momma :) I had been having a horrible headache, one so bad that I could barely open my eyes or function. It totally would make me feel sick, and just not myself. They told me I had been having this head ache as a side effect from the extremely high dose of magnesium sulfate I was put on the previous night. Well, eventually yesterday, I was headache free! Praise God. Its those small blessings that get me through the day, and make me feel more "normal". Then, I kept begging them for a shower. I had felt so disgusting. I had been on bed rest at home, and I hadn't showered the day I had my 5th bleed. I didn't feel there was any time to shower, so we just went to hospital. Little did I know, I wouldn't be showering anytime soon. My showers have to be ordered and approved by a doctor now. I can't just get up whenever I want, and take a shower and come lay back it bed. It's sort of a process to actually be able to even get one. But, YESTERDAY, I got my shower I have so badly been wanting!!! Doctor said since it had been 48 hours since my last bleed, that I was able to shower quickly and while sitting down. I was excited to be "refreshed". But, I got to thinking, there is no shower in this room....where am I going to shower?? I had been in the ICU for mommies, and they don't have showers in their rooms and they have to use a "community" shower. They walked me to the shower room, (my bare butt hanging out for the whole world to see) and started my shower! It felt so good to clean all the nastiness off of me!!! It may not seem big to any of you, but I felt so blessed just to get a shower and I thank the Lord for it. So, I was happy that I had already met 2 of my goals for that day. No headache, and a shower! yay :) Now, I was just praying for no major bleeding for the remainder of the day. In the middle of the night, I was having some cramping. Like period cramps , and I started to worry that something was about to happen. Then I noticed a small "gush" and was worried I was going to have to go through all that all over again in such a short time. I got up and went to the bathroom, and noticed some brown spotting. I told my nurse I was cramping, and noticed some spotting, and she assured me that it was ok and my body goes through a healing process after I have a major bleed. So, she made me feel better that it was normal, and everything was going to be ok. I had that light spotting for the rest of the day, but nothing bad at all. So, I was happy I made it through another day with no major bleeding. Right now, every day counts..so I'm thankful when I get through a day and know that I am still pregnant and baby is doing great!!
Yesterday, I also got a new room. I had been asking for one, so I didn't have to shower in that gross shower room again! I wanted to have my own shower, so I was ready for a new room. They had asked about me getting a new room on Monday, but the doctor didn't feel I was "stable" enough to be moved out of the ICU. I kept asking, and yesterday I got my wishes. I got moved to a new room with my own shower, I was so excited!!! Once they transferred me to my new room, and saw what I would be staying in for who knows how long, I started to get a little discouraged. I cannot lie. My room was dark, SO quiet, and felt so lonely. I just wanted to cry. My tv isn't anything to brag about either, its about 2" big and sits right in front of my face. haha. Thank goodness I have my laptop, and netflix :) I was bumming about my room, but knew I was going to see my sister, husband, and my 2 BOYS later that day! I couldn't wait for them to get here. It seemed like time was standing still, and I just wanted them to get there!!! Finally, they did arrive :) I was soo happy to see my little Logan walk in with a stack of coloring papers him and his cousins had made for me. My spirits instantly were lifted :) Then my sister, whom I adore walks in, my hubby, and my in laws. Luke (my youngest) came in pretty much a grump, totally was just being his normal self. Not sitting still, not knowing what he wants. He's quite the kid. I love him to death, and even though he didn't enjoy himself here, it was still great to kiss his chubby cheeks and tell him I love him. I had a good visit with all of them :) It was approaching 8:30, and that's when visiting hours are over, and I knew I had to say goodbye SOON. I was already dreading the awful goodbye, and that's exactly what it was. I could tell my husband was not wanting to leave, and I knew it was time. He would just look at me, and I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy goodbye AGAIN. When will these goodbyes start to get better??? He looked me in my eyes, with tears starting to fill in his, and that was it for both of us. The tears started to fly as we wrapped our arms around each other saying our goodbyes for another night a apart. It's so hard to see him go, he has always taken such good care of me, so its sad when he's not here. He's my other half, and I love him dearly..he truly is my best friend and my comfort. Then I said goodbye to my sister, who I'm used to seeing and talking to daily :( I get so heartbroken for some reason. I am hoping that the longer I'm here, the easier the goodbyes will be. Then I had to say goodbye to my boys, Luke was a good boy and gave his mommy a hug and kiss, and Logan being the sweetheart he is wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big ole hug and kiss. He was crying, and didn't want to let go of neck...so that was hard for me, but I tried to act like I was "ok" and made him laugh just to get his mind off of things. He asked me "mommy, why do you have to stay here?" Poor kids just don't understand. I am so proud to have such a loving, GOOD boy. Logan truly blesses me with his gentle spirit, and his love. My in laws and sister and husband gathered around a circle, holding my hand and my father in law led in prayer. Then, off they go. :( I try to be so strong, but the goodbyes are so hard. I sat on my bed with tears running down my face, wondering when those goodbyes are going to get easier? It seems at this point its almost better to not see anyone, so I don't have to say goodbye. But, I miss everyone and I know they miss me too....so its so good to see them, I just hate saying "bye". After I calmed down a bit, I was snuggled in my bed, and the nurse came in to do the baby monitoring for 20 minutes. Once they hooked me up, and I could hear Lanes heart beating, it was so comforting. Listening to his heart beat is my new "medicine" that makes everything feel better :) This is going to be worth it all! "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." I know the Lord will get me through all of this, from my ups, to my downs. He will, I just know it. Thanks again for everyone who is praying for us. We appreciate it, and I feel the prayers. The Lord has given me a peace during the days when I'm alone, I actually feel pretty good. And I know its because of the prayers. So, thanks again. Also, I want to say thank you to my family who has stepped up in a HUGE way. Taking care of my boys, getting Logan on the bus, waking up with my little nugget Luke. THANK YOU, is not enough..I love you all. Thanks to everyone for all their support, please keep praying for us :) We are gonna make it!!!
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