Day 1: Mommy heads to Toleo.

Hey everyone, I figured I would start a blog since there have been many questions about what is going on, how I am doing, and how baby is doing. So hopefully if things stay calm around here, at the beginning of each day I will start a new blog on how the previous day went. Some days may be boring, and some days may be filled with drama. This will allow you to be a part of Lane and I story, and will have a better understanding on what to pray for! Cause I know you are all praying, right???? :)  So, today I am going to start from the beginning, and lead you up to where I am right now. Here goes nothing, and PLEASE, I am not an English teacher, and not the brightest tack in the bunch, so bare with some errors.

Lane Jaxon Miller, a little boy inside my belly that's giving me all kinds of trouble.  At 20 weeks, we found out we were expecting another little Miller boy. The ultrasound tech was CLEAR that it was going to be our 3rd little baby boy.  Everyone say "hi" to Lane Jaxon Miller!!!

At that appointment, I learned that I had a low lying placenta.  I was not really concerned at all, because I had this with Luke also. So, I figured..well, this will move out of the way any day.  At 24 weeks, Broc and I were headed home from van wert, it was a Sunday. I remember at church standing up and feeling something like a "gush" but figured it was just one of those annoying pregnancy things every mom goes through, (if you know what I mean.)  It wasn't until we came home from Van Wert and came in to go to the bathroom to find a good amount of blood in my underware. This being my first bleed, I was sort of worried and let Broc know right away. I called the womens center in Defiance, and they wanted to see me right away. So, we shipped our 2 boys off to their grandparents house, and off we were to the hospital. Little did I know, this was the start to something that was going to happen many more times.  We arrived at the hospital, and they hooked me up to the monitors right away to make sure baby Lane was fine.  He was looking great, and by that time my bleeding had stopped. The doctor told me to walk around with a pad for 30 mins and check it afterwards to see if any more bleeding had occurred. About an hour later, they sent me home and wanted me to have a check up with my doctor.  While at my doctors appointment, he wanted to do an ultrasound to check the position of my placenta to see what was going on, and why I had that bleed on Sunday.  Dr. Erwin, being the blunt doctor he is says..."Yep, this aint good, this is previa, COMPLETE PLACENTA PREVIA."  There are 3 stages to previa, and I am at the 3rd and worse and most serious case, which is "complete". This means my placenta is lying right over top of my cervix.  The Placenta is filled with tons and tons of blood, and if it gets irritated, it starts to bleed, which causes all of my bleeding episodes.  With Placenta Previa, you cannot  deliver a baby vaginally, so I will be have a c section. (Still believing the Lord CAN move mine, even if doctors say NO!.)  After my first bleed, 2 weeks later I had my second bleed. Then I had a 3rd bleed, a 4th and a 5th that landed me at the Toldedo hospital.  At 24 weeks was my first bleed I believe, and I am 29 wks now, so in that short of a time I have had several bleedings. They don't even like you to have more than 2 by now.  So, my 5th bleed started off just like the others. I told Broc that I was just going to go straight to bed, and see if it slows down. I had been to the hospital so many times, I figured I knew exactly what they were going to do, so I might as well see if it slows down at home.  The night went ok, just a little worrying going on in my head. I woke up still bleeding but it had turned a darker color. The doctors are MOST concerned about bright red blood, which means the bleeding is active. Anything dark is usually old blood.  So, I thought I was going in the right direction and the blood color was starting to turn dark. I had been on bed rest for a little over 2 weeks at this time, so I just laid on the couch and was scared to even get up to pee. Well, eventually that has to happen..and once I got up, another gush. Ugh, not again. I thought about waiting this one out again, but I knew this bleed was different than my others. It had already lasted over night, and now is bright red again and there was more of it! I called the womens center again, and she didn't hesitate to say "you need to come in now."  I thought, "well, broc, here we go AGAIN."  Little did I know, this situation was going to be VERY different than the others. My whole life changed when I got there. I was still bleeding red blood, and quite a bit of it.  I passed a pretty big clot as I was there also, that brought some concern, but not much. The nurse had brought up 2 different times about going to Toledo, and in the back of my head, I thought "well, that will never happen." Well, things moved quick...the Doctor came into see me, and was very concerned with my condition.  She really didn't like that it was my 5th episode of bleeding and feared the worse for me.  She told me her gut feeling with my situation was to transfer me to Toledo, so I am in the best hands possible to deal with my situation. I couldn't believe it. Is this really happening to me? Why Lord? why me, why my baby?  Then, not even an hour later, the ambulance shows up and wheels in bed for me to transfer me. Just like you see in the movies, I really couldn't believe this was happening to me.  I was actually VERY calm, it just felt like I was living in someone elses body. It just didn't seem real.  I think reality set it as I was alone, in the back of the ambulance. I started to cry a little bit, and then tried to stop...I didn't want that guy with me to think I was a baby. haha.  The ride there was a little over an hour, I thought about a lot and had a lot of questions in my head about what was going to happen to Lane, and also me and my health.  When I got here, it was madness. I felt like I got NO break from anyone. Nurses, doctors, swarming in and out of my room.  This is serious, and I just couldn't believe this was actually happening to me.  A doctor met with me almost right away. I forgot his name, he was foreign..and so SMART. But, he also scared me. He told me everything that could happen to me, and that we have to prepare for Lane to come WITHIN the hour.  WHAT????? is this guy serious?????  They started poking me, not once, not twice, not 3 times, and not 4 either....about 9 different pokes taking my blood for who knows what. I felt like my body was just open for anyone to do anything to. I felt so hopeless and I had NO control over this situation. Then the doctor says we need not 1 IV, but 2. and I was like, well ok whats another needle?? Well this one was BIG, ouchhhh...its for blood transfusions in case I need one. Not very pleasant, and I thought I was tough??? haha. The doctor wanted to give me an exam, and an ultrasound. This was all within minutes while I was there.  He told me "I'm not going to lie, this is going to be very uncomfortable."  I still wasn't worried because I thought, " ya, but it wont hurt like his sayin, it never does." Boy oh boy, was I WRONG. REALLY wrong. This exam had me sweating bullets, and brought tears to my eyes. I was laying there, helpless, sad, confused, and IN PAIN most of all!! I was soo glad when that was over, let me tell ya!!! Doctor gave me an ultrasound, and baby was looking great (which always brings a smile to mommys face).  He then told me that we needed to start magnesium sulfate right away. So they put that drug into my IV, and all hell broke loose. I started having horrible hot flashes, my vision was totally blurred, and I just felt SICK. It really knocked the wind out of my sales, and by 1:30 in the morning, they were still messing around with me and my body. Telling me that the sulfate is to help Lane if he would come soon with seizures and other things of that nature. And that I may be in the ICU after my c section, I may need a blood transfusion, and even a hysterectomy.  He told me that the NICU team will be coming down to have a conversation with Broc and I to discuss what goes on down there, and how things are taking care of. I didn't want to hear any of this!!! I refuse to believe all this is going to happen, and I refuse to believe my baby is going to be unhealthy.  But yet, we do have to prepare ourselves for the worst cases.  That night I didnt sleep one minute, not because I didn't want to, but it was just not possible. I was not feeling well at all. That mag sulfate was really kicking my butt. The next morning, I was told from the doctor that I have diabetes. I just thought "oh well, nothing good happens, so of course I have that."  They tried to get me to eat, since I hadn't for over 24 hours. After the first two bites of my toast, I got sick and it all came back up!!! I felt HORRIBLE, and at this point, I was just OVER everything and lost it. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who is there for me when I am weak and feeling hopeless. I just didn't think it was ever going to end. At that point I was feeling like life would be better in heaven than dealing with everything I was.  Like I said, I had reached my lowest low that morning.  It wasn't until about lunch time I started feeling "ok". We had another ultrasound yesterday.  This was the longest ultrasound I ever had...they were checking everything!! Even his little nose bones. I loved being able to see my baby, and to know he is looking great and growing!!! They estimated his weight now at 2lbs15oz.  So now, its just a waiting game.....everyday COUNTS! every minute counts! I am in better spirits today, and I have a peace that no matter what happens. I will be ok. Lane will be ok.  This is our journey together. As I hear his heart monitor beating, and I'm laying there...I realize I am never alone! He's right here with me going through this together.   Thank you everyone for your prayers. Your letters of concern, and comments mean so much to us, most of all we just want u to send your PRAYERS...daily! Broc and I believe in a miracle working God, and that's what we need....a miracle :) I believe it can happen, who's with me??  Also, pray for Broc and I as we are a part at nights and some days we wont even get to see each other since I'm so far away. Saying goodbye to him last night was so hard. So hard for both of us! I hurt seeing my husband bawling, feeling so torn from leaving his wife...yet, he knows he has to keep providing for our family. God has blessed me with a great man of God, and please pray your blessings be upon him as he is going through a rough time also.  Also, pray that I get by with not being so sad over not seeing my boys. I'm used to being with them ALL the time, so this is very difficult for me. I miss just being their momma. :(  But, I know this is what has to be done for them to make sure their Mom is safe and so is their baby brother.  Thanks again for your prayers, thoughts and concern.  This will probably be the longest blog since I started from the beginning. Some other days may be real short so I don't have to bore you all :)

Thanks again for following me and Lane on our journey........

Megan